Success, what is the secret to easy success? Is there even one?
For a quite a while I have been interested in the reasons behind why things actually end up happening. Why people make a decision. Why they do or don't do something? Why they do or don't follow though...? I like to understand the emotional and intellectual side of decisions and while I am no psychologist, I don't really accept that someone ever does something without subconsciously processing hundreds of different mini decisions. All of these little decisions take up valuable mental energy.
Even if you think you are "simple minded" and easy to come by decisions, there is still so much happening inside your brain that you might not even be aware of. Like a duck treading water, and that water treading is taking up some of your mental energy! (maybe you need a e+shot! lol)
One of my favourite authors, Gretchen Rubin wrote a brilliant book on habits called "Better than Before". In this book she explores habits; how and why people do things (obviously I loved it!).
Two key traits she discusses are; Abstainers and Moderators
You’re a moderator if you…
– find that occasional indulgence heightens your pleasure–and strengthens your resolve
– get panicky at the thought of “never” getting or doing somethingYou’re an abstainer if you…
– have trouble stopping something once you’ve started
– aren’t tempted by things that you’ve decided are off-limits
Prior to reading "Better than Before", I'd never really been able to verbalise these two very basic differences that I believe she points out so well, and probably there is a very good reason....... It comes down to one phrase;
"Everything in moderation."
When talking about wellness, how often do we hear that phrase? It makes me question, is "everything in moderation" the only answer.....? Sometimes, it seems that way.
Of course there are plenty of examples of abstinance in our society. Clearly abstinence has it's place. But as a moderator myself; abstaining, to me, tends to bring to mind abstinence from addiction or virginity even! I often associate abstinence with more complex subject matters; rarely does it bring to mind abstinence in a way of supporting me to easily make a daily decision.... but that's moderator thinking.
So, I truly believe that abstainers and moderators exist and further to that I believe that having a basic understanding of if you are an abstainer or a moderator can go pretty far in helping you reach your wellness goals.
It's all about your mindset and playing to your strengths. Not setting yourself up to fail. "Everything in moderation" just might not be the answer for you... and if it's not, that is okay!
An abstainer says; "I've been cheating so much lately. I've really been so naughty. It's just too hard to stop"
A moderator says; "Who says I'm are cheating? I am just knowingly making a poor heath decision. It's not cheating, it's a choice and I've made it."
An abstainer says; "I've already eaten so poorly today, I may as well enjoy this" as they hoe into a some cookies and brownies.
A moderator says; "Hm, I like brownies. I know I am going to pay for this, but I am making a decision that this is what I want and I am going to enjoy these brownies, YUM!"
The abstainer, for the most part, will struggle to walk past a temptation in the beginning. But once they make the decision that 100% committed, they will often be able to hold strong for a long period of time without even rethinking their decision. This can, and often does result in huge wellness success....Unless of course, at some point they decide MAY their previous decision is no longer valid and change their decision (but that's a whole other topic!).
While the abstainer may end up with more dramatic or remarkable success... The moderator seems to have more ability to assess each decision based on merit. Resetting the clock is easy and the moderator can normally change mid day, mid week or mid month. Versus the abstainer who may need to start in the morning, on a Monday, or on the first of the month.
While neither of these "ways" is right or wrong, it is by having an understanding of these concepts that we can work within our natural framework to strive towards wellness and make it feel EASY!
I am a moderator, and the 30 day Isagenix challenge for me meant that I still ate when I wanted to eat. If I craved something or knew I really wanted something I have it, maybe just a little... but I still had it.
The love of my life however, when it comes to food, he is a TOTAL abstainer! Two days into Isagenix and he went completely cold turkey!! And while he finds it to be a bit of a struggle at the start, he also knows that this is just his "pain period" and in a week he will be able to walk past the greasy food and not even spare it a thought. Me (the moderator), even during Isagenix week 1, I could have 4 or 6 chips and dump the rest into the bin because I am satisfied after just a few. The all or nothing abstainer would struggle to do that. They COULD do it, but it would go against their "grain", and ultimately exhaust them or make them feel like the decision itself was difficult.
Abstainers CAN moderate. And Moderators CAN abstain, it just FEELS harder to do the opposite.
Good news is, once you make the decision to look after your health, it doesn't have to really be hard.
So you're on the wellness journey already....If you've gone all or nothing, and it's seeming really tough - try to loosen up a little and see how that feels. Don't be so rigid. Be kind to yourself. Maybe you're really a moderator when it comes to wellness...?
By reverse, if you've been trying to gradually make a change and that's not working, try to go all or nothing. Maybe you're actually an abstainer? Be tough. Be strong. PUT DOWN THE COOKIE! Now, and don't touch it again!
Knowing your inclination is not about making excuses, it's about stepping outside of yourself and figuring out what method will work best for you, you've been living with yourself for years, I bet you already know the answer!
It all starts with a MINDSET, and being aware enough to ensure that you're doing things in the way your mind is programmed to do them. This awareness will ultimately save you valuable mental energy and maybe even lead you to some easy/eaier wellness success.
Are you an abstainer or a moderator? Find out below;
P.S. People can moderate somethings and abstain others. For example, I can easily moderate food and health, but I struggle to moderate highly emotional feelings. I'm open to them, or closed to them, no in-between. So make sure that if you are assessing if you are a moderator or an abstainer, you are doing it in the context of the decision you are trying to make. Do this to keep setting yourself up to succeed.